What comes next: anticipation and anxiety

When I went back to school, I had a grand plan: after graduating I would be qualified (by both project management experience and degree) to take the Project Management Professional test. I would study for a couple of months, take the test, and get my certification. After being certified, I’d try to get a project management job at Turbine.

I was in love with Turbine at the time, and still am, but I’ve realized that Turbine isn’t the only place I’d like to work, so I broadened my horizons. I want to work in a role where I can contribute the creation and support of video games (console, PC, mobile, you name it).

Last year I promised myself that I wouldn’t wait for the certification. It is still a goal (for this year even), but it doesn’t have to come before finding a job in the gaming industry.

So here I am, anticipating the thrill of finding a job and company that is a perfect fit for me and anxious about all of the things that a new job might mean for me.

The thought of a new job scares the hell out of me in some ways. I’ve worked for the same company for the past eleven years (That’s more than one-third of my life, yikes!), so it is comfortable; it feels like home. It would also mean a big move for my husband and I. We live in Bellingham (between Seattle and Vancouver, BC). I hope to find something in the Seattle area so that we can move between Bellingham and Seattle so Hubby doesn’t have to leave his job, but it is still a major change for us.

A new job would be exciting tons of reasons that I’ve shared before, but most importantly because if I choose well it will be a place where I can learn, grow, and be challenged. I know I’m odd, but I really like my work, when it is challenging (unfortunately, recently it hasn’t been). I could go on and on, but those are topics for other days.

I wake up every night thinking about it. Would Hubby really be comfortable moving out of state if I were to find something at Turbine or SOE? Will I be confident in interviews (the thought of interviewing terrifies me)? How do I meet people who work at the places that I want to work? What can I do to make my resume’ stand out? Should I call about the application I submitted before Christmas, or wait a while longer? So many questions and random thoughts float through my sleepy head.

It is exciting, and will be a fun adventure (even if there are a few sleepless nights).

Would you like one lump, or two?

I haven’t made time to write since last Sunday. So, to keep myself in the habit (and help me sleep better), I’ve decided to share this (relatively unedited train of thought) post. Think of it as the two of us sitting down over tea, and me monopolizing the conversation.

This last week flew by. Work was chaotic (in a verging on maddening yet semi-controlled sort of way), so much that I postponed a day off just so I could take that day knowing that I wasn’t perpetuating my backlog of work.

I mentioned recently that writing here has been helping me sleep better. This past week echoed that reality. I’ve gone back to waking up in the middle of the night thinking about everything and nothing, and having some really strange dreams. I’m sure it is fueled by my excitement for PAX (and then graduation), my eagerness to have a change in my career, and my nervousness about making it happen.

PAX is less than twelve days away now! I’m still fretting about being prepared. My hubby and a couple of our friends have planned what they’re going to wear each day. And they’re guys. I’m trying to get on that bandwagon, but I only have one shirt planned. For the other two, I’ll probably just pick whatever seems appropriate the day before.

I’ve started planning which panels to attend. I’d like to go to all of them, and then have another 3 or 4 days to wander and gawk over/play with all of the games and toys that will be there. The reality is that I’ll probably do a couple of career focused (not fanboy focused) panels per day, and spend the rest of the time exploring the glory that is PAX. Oh, and drinking caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine.

I did decide to bring “introduction cards” (business cards, but for me – not for any business), because a little help to my networking skills couldn’t hurt. I haven’t decided what to put on them yet though. That may be my next task.

Well, that and completing two weeks worth of school work in the next 10 days.

~ Amanda

A few PAX related links

• Official panel schedule here, and details for each panel
• An unofficial Android App has been released (currently in beta) with PAX panel schedules and details.
• Exhibition Hall Map

What is YOUR dream?

I started writing here in November of last year. Ten months ago. I have made 38 posts. Thirty-eight posts in ten months is less than what I had hoped to do when I started, but now that I have been writing here for a while I am getting more comfortable with a routine of writing.

I continue to write here both as an outlet. I wouldn’t call it a creative outlet, because I don’t feel creative at all in what I’ve written here. It is more of an outlet for my hopefulness and anxieties about the dream job and for the many other thoughts that bounce around in my head at the end of the day (or even during the day; such as when I post about frustrations at work). It is actually helping me sleep better.

I also continue to write here because it is a constant motivator toward the dream. Each post seems to make me more resolute that I will achieve the dream.

Recently, I’ve felt a little self-centered in all of this dreaming. I write about what I want to be when I grow up, or the different fun things that I’m doing to (hopefully) help me get there. I talk about it with friends over drinks. But I don’t ask anyone else what they want.

I am going to change that. I am starting here. (If you just got Man in the Mirror stuck in your head, you’re not alone.)

What is your dream?
What are you doing to work toward it?
Do you have a plan?
What motivates you?

I know it’s weird that some random internet person is asking, but it’s amazing the motivation that can stem from kind comments from someone you barely know and from knowing the dreams of others.

#GamingIs where I want my career to lead.

There’s a movement on Twitter today to get #GamingIs trending. It seems to be started by @theKevinButler (and probably also Sony and PlayStation since he is their spokes person in the same way that Isaiah Mustafa is Old Spice’s spokes person). I hesitate to join in because it really is about a company trying to use social media to build a marketing campaign.

On the other hand

Still looking for that reset button.

Today is already getting better.

Earlier today I tweeted about my day being off to a bad start. It was. I woke up feeling hung over and aching all over (even though last night I only drank water). I had one co-worker upset about a change request I’d sent them after testing an update to one of our internal systems. I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of another with a few emails for little changes on a different project (fortunately, the second co-worker didn’t complain).

Preparing for PAX

I get to go to PAX this year! One month from now, the gamer masses will converge on Seattle for a three days of geekyness (as will music lovers for a different event, expect traffic). This will be my first PAX.

For the past week I haven’t been able to get PAX out of my head. Going to PAX is a big deal for me, both as a fangirl and as someone who wants to work in the video game industry. My inner project manager is planning what to bring and what to do, and making lists. A good plan starts with a list of things that need to happen right? (Well, after an objective, but that is already defined: PAX + Fun + Networking.) 

A glimpse into Sony Online Entertainment

Three weeks ago I made a spur of the moment decision to spend some time in San Diego during my vacation. After I booked my trip (Air miles + PriceLine.com = about $300 for flight plus three nights at a four star hotel), I decided to try to make visiting Sony Online Entertainment (SOE) a reality and the next day I had an appointment to meet Ashlanne during my trip. I was so ecstatic that I did a little dance at my desk (my co-workers thought I had finally gone insane). 

One week later, I took a cab from my hotel in the Gaslamp Quarter to the SOE office. I was paranoid about being late and nervous as if I was going to an interview. I arrived half an hour early and fidgeted in the lobby while waiting. Ashlanne was ready for me a few minutes later. 

First we visited the Community Team’s area. I met several members of the community team (advance apologies if I get names mixed up!). Zatozia’s cube is decorated like a torture chamber. I’d seen at least one picture before but it didn’t do it justice (I regret not snapping a couple of my own). 

Reflecting on an Opportunity

I have always thought of the dream as something that might be attainable, but I did always question how realistic I was being with myself. Even though it is something I’ve been working toward for the past several years, it wasn’t until a very real opportunity presented itself that I really believed that it may happen.

A few months ago, sometime between when I discussed blogging about the dream with my boss and when I declared that everyone needs a dream, I was approached by someone with an amazing opportunity. This friend of a friend had heard about the dream and my professional reputation (which apparently is incredibly healthy), and thought I might be a good match for a position she was hiring for.

She and I had a call to discuss the position and get to know each other better. She didn’t want to subject me to her company’s rigorous interview process if she didn’t think we could work together. I just wanted to learn more. It wasn’t exactly the job I dream about, but it was closer than I thought I could realistically attain.

Sometimes I wonder…

Is my goal too focused?
Should I try for it now?
Should I wait until I graduate?
Is it really realistic and attainable?
How do I get in?
How do I prepare?
What if it doesn’t happen?
Why do I doubt myself?
What if there is a different excellent opportunity?
Do I try for it?
Do I take it?
What am I willing to do?
What sacrifice is worth while?
How far would I go?
How far would he be willing to go?
Is the dream impacting my work performance?
In a bad way?
Is the impact to my school work worth while?
Am I overly ambitious?
Can I afford to dream?
Can I afford not to?