Would you like one lump, or two?

I haven’t made time to write since last Sunday. So, to keep myself in the habit (and help me sleep better), I’ve decided to share this (relatively unedited train of thought) post. Think of it as the two of us sitting down over tea, and me monopolizing the conversation.

This last week flew by. Work was chaotic (in a verging on maddening yet semi-controlled sort of way), so much that I postponed a day off just so I could take that day knowing that I wasn’t perpetuating my backlog of work.

I mentioned recently that writing here has been helping me sleep better. This past week echoed that reality. I’ve gone back to waking up in the middle of the night thinking about everything and nothing, and having some really strange dreams. I’m sure it is fueled by my excitement for PAX (and then graduation), my eagerness to have a change in my career, and my nervousness about making it happen.

PAX is less than twelve days away now! I’m still fretting about being prepared. My hubby and a couple of our friends have planned what they’re going to wear each day. And they’re guys. I’m trying to get on that bandwagon, but I only have one shirt planned. For the other two, I’ll probably just pick whatever seems appropriate the day before.

I’ve started planning which panels to attend. I’d like to go to all of them, and then have another 3 or 4 days to wander and gawk over/play with all of the games and toys that will be there. The reality is that I’ll probably do a couple of career focused (not fanboy focused) panels per day, and spend the rest of the time exploring the glory that is PAX. Oh, and drinking caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine.

I did decide to bring “introduction cards” (business cards, but for me – not for any business), because a little help to my networking skills couldn’t hurt. I haven’t decided what to put on them yet though. That may be my next task.

Well, that and completing two weeks worth of school work in the next 10 days.

~ Amanda

A few PAX related links

• Official panel schedule here, and details for each panel
• An unofficial Android App has been released (currently in beta) with PAX panel schedules and details.
• Exhibition Hall Map

What is YOUR dream?

I started writing here in November of last year. Ten months ago. I have made 38 posts. Thirty-eight posts in ten months is less than what I had hoped to do when I started, but now that I have been writing here for a while I am getting more comfortable with a routine of writing.

I continue to write here both as an outlet. I wouldn’t call it a creative outlet, because I don’t feel creative at all in what I’ve written here. It is more of an outlet for my hopefulness and anxieties about the dream job and for the many other thoughts that bounce around in my head at the end of the day (or even during the day; such as when I post about frustrations at work). It is actually helping me sleep better.

I also continue to write here because it is a constant motivator toward the dream. Each post seems to make me more resolute that I will achieve the dream.

Recently, I’ve felt a little self-centered in all of this dreaming. I write about what I want to be when I grow up, or the different fun things that I’m doing to (hopefully) help me get there. I talk about it with friends over drinks. But I don’t ask anyone else what they want.

I am going to change that. I am starting here. (If you just got Man in the Mirror stuck in your head, you’re not alone.)

What is your dream?
What are you doing to work toward it?
Do you have a plan?
What motivates you?

I know it’s weird that some random internet person is asking, but it’s amazing the motivation that can stem from kind comments from someone you barely know and from knowing the dreams of others.

Still looking for that reset button.

Today is already getting better.

Earlier today I tweeted about my day being off to a bad start. It was. I woke up feeling hung over and aching all over (even though last night I only drank water). I had one co-worker upset about a change request I’d sent them after testing an update to one of our internal systems. I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of another with a few emails for little changes on a different project (fortunately, the second co-worker didn’t complain).

Sometimes I wonder…

Is my goal too focused?
Should I try for it now?
Should I wait until I graduate?
Is it really realistic and attainable?
How do I get in?
How do I prepare?
What if it doesn’t happen?
Why do I doubt myself?
What if there is a different excellent opportunity?
Do I try for it?
Do I take it?
What am I willing to do?
What sacrifice is worth while?
How far would I go?
How far would he be willing to go?
Is the dream impacting my work performance?
In a bad way?
Is the impact to my school work worth while?
Am I overly ambitious?
Can I afford to dream?
Can I afford not to?

Disappointed by your disappointment.

When I explain my dream job, normally people either respond saying “Weird, I’d never want to do that, but it’s your choice and I support you” or  “Wow! That’s great! That is perfect for you.”  Not always though. One of my brothers has made it well known for years that he considers any job where he is not self-employed to be a waste of time and has openly ridiculed me for my career and education choices. I accepted years ago that this will never change, and I chose to ignore opinion on the subject.

Some opinions are harder to ignore.

Everyone needs a dream

It has been too long since I last posted. I’ve been giving a great deal of thought to the dream, and it is time to share what I’ve concluded.

I am not giving up on the dream. Everyone needs a dream, and everyone should have a dream that is realistic. Dreaming about winning the lottery is great. But seriously, did you ever really think you would win?